Bedtime Stories
by Blame The Editor
Summary: A one-shot based upon the scenario of Mike Schmidt telling Caleb White a story upon request. Only rated for frequent cursing. Warnings at the beginning of the chapter.


_Please take note Fredbear is a plush, based upon the crying child's own Fredbear meantioned inside_ Five Nights At Freddy's 4 _minigames, and can only be heard by Caleb while being displayed in bold letters. He also ossess on omnisience character's view about everything around him, allowing certain details to be known by the plush bear._

* * *

 **NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL AGES**

 **WARNINGS**  
 _EXCESSIVE cursing  
Mentions of death  
Mentions of murder  
Mentions of violence_

 **DISCLAIMER**  
 _This is based upon the video game franchise_ Five Nights At Freddy's _, all rights for the characters and the world they interact inside belong solely to Scott Cawthon. We own nothing but the writing.  
Please give credit to those who deserve it. Thank you._

* * *

"Hell Spawn. Why the fuck are you not asleep yet?"

Caleb tenses up slightly before quickly relaxing once more, almost cursing when it becomes clear he slipped up and proved he was in fact awake instead of sleeping like he was supposed to be.

He should've known trying to trick Mike was a bad idea. Especially when said man was currently holding him. Those bright blue eyes might be focused on the cameras and keeping the originals out of the security office, but his mind could always be at two places at once.

His many talents at observation weren't helping, either.

"I can't," the boy murmurs, cuddling closer to Fredbear and leaning further into the chest behind him. A sound of content escapes him as he hears the steady heart beating softly against his head.  
"Can't Fredbear do some weird ass magic shit and make you go to sleep? Take over your goddamn mind? Fucking chloroform?"

 **I'm impressed in his faith of my abilities.**

Caleb giggles before rolling his eyes at that the expecting expression being aimed to him, the lead guard clearly waiting for an answer. Possibly even his apparent charge for the night falling asleep right then and there.

"He doesn't have magic, silly."

"Yeah. _I'm_ the silly one here," Mike winks. His gaze flickers back to the tablet one more time as Freddy attempts to sneak into the girls bathroom. Once every asshole is locked in place for the time being, he allows himself to lean back and hug the little boy closer.

He needs the little bastard to fall asleep. The one night he isn't terrorized by fucked up versions of Fazfuck, Chica-Chee, Pirate Fucker, Bunny Bastard, and Golden Bastard, and Mike can't even do the goddamn simple ass task of making sure he goes the fuck to sleep.

And, unlike every other thing in this shitty world, he doesn't know to first thing of helping others sleep. Well, unless you count punching them in the face...

 **Mike's thinking about knocking you out.**

"Mike!"

Caleb can only smile at the glare Fredbear is given for foiling the 'plan' being made. He wouldn't be smiling if he knew both were being _extremely_ serious over said accusation, but the man simply huffs before resting his head on the boy's.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?" he murmurs.

"You could tell me a story."

...well shit.

"Ah. A story," Mike drawls. A moment passes of his eyes searching frantically around his tiny office before nodding sideways. "A story. Okay. Well, let's see.

"Fazfuck-"

"Miiiike," Caleb whines softly. He doesn't feel the man tense up at his apparent slip up, only moving closer to the warmth being radiated from the arms carefully holding him with a mock glare. "You're supposed to start it correctly!"

 _...there's a correct way to do this goddamn thing! WHAT THE HELL!_

"Correctly..."

The little boy frowns when nothing else is said. As if the repeated word was supposed to be a question but died out before he had the courage to finish it. His soft brown eyes then trail up to the expressionless gaze as he gently pushes the man away and take good, long look at him.

He seemed okay. Not panicked. Not scared. Not even trying to seem innocent in the teasing Caleb was receiving. He seemed...confused.

Confused about what?

 **He doesn't know the correct way, Caleb.**

 _Doesn't know the...but why? How! He had to have been read-_

"Um, Mike?"

Said guard only watches the now sorrowful expression closely, a bit suspicious with the uncertain tone being used. Either Hell Spawn was trying to fuck something up and do what the hell he wants, or he's gonna ask a personal goddamn question.

"Were you never read bedtime stories as a kid?"

God _damn_ it, Hell Spawn!

Caleb doesn't say anything else, watching those eyes carefully regarding him silently, not wanting to say anything yet. That was okay though, because he can wait. Just like he does for Foxy Fox to go into his closest. Or the Mini Freddy's to climb on his bed. Cause just like what Nightmare always says, good things come to those who wait.

Well, hopefully the nightmarish bear didn't mean for _them_ and instead _him_. If it's meant for them then Caleb will be killed and...dang it.

"No, Caleb. I was never read the mythical stories before bed," Mike suddenly states.

He didn't want to talk about this. Not because it fucked with his mind and made him want to act like Douche Bag and be a complete pussy about it, but everyone around him always gets sappy as fuck when they find out about something in his childhood not being 'normal'.

Never learned to ride a bike. Never wrote for shit. Never read for shit, either. Never was tucked in. Never had 'bedtime stories'. Never learned how to swim. Never knew there was a lake so goddamn big it was actually called the 'ocean'.

There were a _lot_ of things he never had, never knew. Like there's apparently more animals than bears, chickens, bunnies, foxes, and frogs.

They should be happy he didn't goddamn beat the shit out of Mr. Hippo and Oreille when they first met. He honest to god thought they were aliens. Or at least complete abominations to the 'wonderful world' around them in need of their asses getting kicked.

Still should do it...

"Okay."

Caleb smiles even bigger than before as a raised eyebrow focuses down at him. He didn't know why Mike would be confused, nor did he really want to know. Right now he had a mission, one Fredbear was more than happy to help with.

"I'll teach you then!"

Before the lead guard can protest, the head was back on his chest and nuzzling into Fredbear's hat as another sigh of content is emitted.

"Every time you start a story, you say 'once upon a time'. And every time you end it, you say 'and they all lived happily ever after' with a giant the end, like the Disney movies always do."

 _Okay, you lost me already._

What the hell is Disnek? Dinty? Distin? I don't fucking know just what is it!

"Usually stories have really pretty princesses. One's who are nice, and kind, and always wanting what's best for others."

"Does that make Jerber a princess?" Mike questions, a bit pissed off at the burst of laughter emitted. "I'm serious! His goddamn soft ass curls only complete it!"

"Okay. We'll make Jeremy the pretty princess," Caleb giggles, only hugging the man tight as he grumbles even more profanities under his breath. "And then there's the knight who always saves the day. They're strong, brave. Sometimes they even fight off dragons."

"So Purple Guy, then?"

The lead guard nods even after his question, easily picturing Vincent waving a knife in front of some weird creature, a bored expression on his face before slowly walking forward.

It wouldn't stand a chance. The strike of the head, sharp teeth longer than the murderer clearly needing to pierce him in half. Said fangs would only be grabbed before twisted so quickly the tooth would break apart, the knife once being flashed stuck into the void space instead. After that he'd simply yank the head closer before jumping into the air, slicing its neck with ease and decapitating it.

That be badass as fuck to watch. Maybe ask Golden to make his dreams come true.

"Now we need a villain."

"Irish Jig."

Caleb bursts out laughing once more, Mike smiling fondly down at him from the image that appeared inside their minds.

Fritz, the lovable redhead, dyeing his hair pitch black with a matching pointed beard and curled mustache seemingly glued to his face. With Eggs grinning like a maniac, said dye and super glue held in each hand.

"This is a lot better than 'Sleeping Beauty'," the little boy grins as the man nods rapidly.

Didn't what the hell someone beautiful was doing sleeping in a story apparently but hey, what the fuck.

"That's all we need, then? Nothing else for the best fucking story of a lifetime?" Mike questions finally, a brilliant story already forming in his head.

"And they have to live happily ever after! Make sure everyone in the kingdom is nice and happy!"

"But Douche Bag's running the damn place!"

"Happy!"

Caleb allows his eyes to close as the thumping heart once again slows down to a steady rhythm, lulled by the sound even before the strong and soothing voice begins to speak.

And when the lead guard begins his story, the little boy was asleep within minutes, unnoticed and practically ignored by his companion.

"One, once...yeah. Once upon a time, there was a giant ass...kingdom sitting on top of a hill. There, King David ruled over with an iron fist, never letting anyone without a fucking permit in or out of his walls. It only became hell to deal with when people wanted to get into his shitty house, making sure _no one_ could come even _close_ to him.

"And while his ass was ruling over everyone without really giving a fuck about them, more or less, Jeremy tried to tell him a few badass ways to make everything better. But, every single time his ideas were turned down. 'That's shit. That's shit. Fuck this. Goddamn it Jeremy these will make us poor as hell!' And, in hindsight his ideas weren't really _needed_. Could improve their already amazing ass kingdom, but they weren't needed. Everyone was happy, joyful, frolicking and shit.

"However, the...oh shit, um. Fucking- GOLDEN LIKE BASTARD with magic and goddamn fucking weird ass things like that had a few _disagreements_ with King Dou- I mean David, completely different from David Harrison who's a complete and utter asshole...

"Anyway, he had some shit with the king. Promised to rule over everyone after being so fucking helpful. Of course, Jeremy was to rule over everyone, and Fritz understood this more than anyone. Dau- I mean _son_ of the king, wanting to only help those around him, that kind of shit. Really though, Fritz could even agree he'd be pretty badass if he wasn't such a pussy. And those kinds of people can't rule over shit.

"So, with the want to simply save the kingdom from themselves, and even Jeremy on board with the goddamn idea if it didn't involve going to some shitty ass cave with monsters lurking inside, Fritz sent him faaaaaaaar away so _he_ could rule. Which no offense, is really fucked up. I mean you do all this goddamn work, bastards happy and everything, but then you don't really get _anything_. Money and shit, sure, but it's so much _work_.

"Sorry, continuing.

"Fritz with Golden Bastard like powers then appeared before the king, claiming that Jeremy could _never_ be found, never be _saved_ , meaning _his_ ass was the only one to rule after David dies. No fucking idea why they fight over this bullshit now when he won't die for at least twenty fucking more years, but, okay. I think I'm forgetting a weird ass plot convenience' or some shit, but I'll just claim they're dumbasses. Much more believable.

"Now, the Golden Bastard like asshole's plan would've worked. David would've said 'fuck it', left Jeremy to live five more minutes before his ass was eaten and all that jazz. Fritz would've been king and the merry bastards would've been 'okay' with his shitty ass laws and crap, but not the _best_ , but still pretty good. They would've been happy, Jerber dead, the end.

"HOWEVER! When Fritz was gone, David found a _night_. The most badass night _ever_. Because this night didn't fucking go away when the goddamn sun came up. Nope! He stayed all day and all night, and instead of pitch black with stars and shit covering him, he was purple. A very nice purple. Not a fucked up purple that's like pink or blue and all the bullshit. Nope, just purple.

"Vincent wasn't only a night that stayed and the day, badass, and was purple, but he was a fucking Jerber tracker. Don't goddamn know why, instincts and shit, continuing on with story...and while every pansy ass fucker would take a solid _week_ to find Jeremy up in his goddamn cave of solitude to get eaten, David's night traveled every second of every day, all twenty four hours, _just_ to get to where this cave was in only one day.

"...I could have it Jeremy's already dead. Fuck happy endings and shit. Could be worth my while, maybe not. He's adorable as fuck, so the bastard could've just given puppy eyes and shit so they keep him as a pet. Soft ass curls...yeah. That'll work...

"Vincent gets to the cave, bored as fuck for having to stop his murderous rampage on innocent people he's supposed to protect and shit, but after this he gets a goddamn horse to kill even _more_ people, so he's pretty fucking happy. Problem is, Jeremy did Jeremy things in that short ass time span and managed to get himself trapped in some weird other cave inside of another cave? He's their pet, so imagine it how you'd like.

"Not wanting to give up Jeremy, they offer Vincent a trade. His life for Jeremy's. Problem is, they underestimated this night. One, said knight is a mother fucker. Two, said night is a badass. Three, said night doesn't take shit from anyone. So, like the commercial for yet another 'Mission Impossible' movie because producers don't have anything else to fucking do with their lives apparently, he killed every last one of them with explosions and shit and it was _awesome_. Because, honestly, never saw any of the damn movies, but they work awesome as hell, so I respect it. It's so goddamn amazing, even traumatized Jeremy was pretty impressed! Traumatized, but impressed!

"Now, you can imagine Fritz's face when Vincent, glorious as hell and fucking done with life and barely keeping himself from stabbing the shit out of King David, safely delivers Jeremy back to his home, and the bullshit of a life to be everyone's servant even though you technically rule over their asses, but whatever.

"Thing is, the Golden like kid wasn't pissed off, his was only scared as fuck from the kingdom he loved and cherished. So, speeding past the bullshit that will literally rot my goddamn teeth out, Jerber pulls his usual shit and proclaims they'll rule together.

"DaviddiedliterallytwosecondafterwardsotheysaidfuckitandtheyruleditsofuckyouDoucheBag and they lived happily ever after! The, end!"

"I like how David died at the end."

"Why the hell was Fritz the wizard?"

"Ye be needin' better characters, Mikey."

"AAAAAAnd sent."

Freddy smiles darkly down at the petrified form of their night guard, still holding the slumbering boy. And as he takes one more picture just to savor the moment, those blue eyes widen with realization.

"You asshole."

"Yep! Take that Shit! This will haunt your ass even after we stuff you!" Bonnie exclaims, _extremely_ satisfied with what they managed to do.

Recording Mike, _the Mike Schmidt_ , telling a _bedtime story_ to an adorable little boy already asleep and not listening to a single word.

This was too good to be true. They did the impossible task of having dirt on the lead guard. A video of him smiling and talking to make Caleb fall asleep. Not only that, but a video shared to every one of the animatronics who could receive it. Now he can't-

"Bunny Bastard, keep it down, jackass."

Chica smirks at the purple bunny's dropped jaw, staring at Mike only picking up the tablet to watch the restaurant. And even though this should be a sweet moment for all of them, it was hard to escape the fact Bonnie seemed as traumatized as the human should be.

"WHAT!"

"Shut up! He's goddamn sleeping! Now get out before I kick your ass!"

Those ears droop with unintelligible grumbles as the bunny stomps away if a bit angrily, Foxy quickly following to absorb the moment properly. Chica then carefully ruffles Caleb's hair as a good night, leaving the two with Freddy laughing softly.

"Pretty good with kids, Michael."

"Thanks, Fazfuck."

With that they are finally left alone, the lead guard fully aware the toys are laughing their asses off with Jeremy smiling softly. Eggs was probably on the floor right about now, the rest of the sister location animatronics unable to contain themselves. David would be pissed yet joyful over the new blackmail. Vincent was probably on his way over to murder him.

Right now, though, it was just him and Caleb, the little boy finally getting a good night's sleep.

 **Thank you, Mike.**

"You're welcome."

And that's when the restaurant doors burst open, Vincent standing with a burning fire in his gaze and at least ten different knifes in his hand.

"MIKE!"

" _There's_ the night who saved Jeber!"

"I'M GOING TO-!"

"Quietly!"

"-kill you!"

* * *

 **BONUS**  
 _A few nights after Mike's story telling._

"Hey, Mike! We're gonna make a children's book off of your story!"

"Why the fuck do you want to do that kind of shit?"

"It's funny! And I want a hard copy so I don't have to beg Baby! I'll be able to read it to myself every night. Then call David and force him to listen to it."

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Come on, check it out!"

"...goddamn it. You got Grave Digger to do your bidding, Jackass?"

"Jeremy's making the actual book with pictures and everything. I'm just writing it down."

"Jerber, too!"

"Hey, we all loved it."

"Original."

"Fuck all of you.

"...

"...you're spelling it wrong, Grave Digger."

"Really?"

"James spelt something wrong! GASP!"

"I didn't spell anything wrong. Mike's being a jerk."

"No, that shit's spelt wrong. Several times."

"Show me."

"See? It's supposed to be _N_ -I-G-H-T, dumbass. No 'k' in the beginning."

"...

"...you know those are two different words, right?"

"You-"

"HOLY SHIT! DON'T TELL ME THAT'S TRUE! DON'T TELL ME!"

"Eggs."

"What! He doesn't know-!"

"I know it's two different goddamn words, asshole!"

"Oh reaaaaaally?"

"Fuck you."

"Then spell the night sky for me."

"I don't need your shit."

"Then I'll have to tell Scott you're lying!"

"Fuck you."

"Come on!"

"N-I-G-H-T."

"And what about a knight in shining armor?"

"...K-N-I-G-H-T."

"And kitchen?"

"What the hell?"

"Just spell it."

"K-I-T-C-H-E-N."

"Knife."

"N-I-F-E."

"What?"

"Eggs, get out."

"And why the hell did-?"

" _HOLY SHIT_!"

"That's why."

"Why is it so goddamn funny?"

"He's Eggs."

"...

"...real jackass, too."

"Oh yes."

" _I HAVE TO TELL DAVID_!"

"Wanna ditch his ass?"

"Yes please."

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL _SHIT_! HOLY SHIT! OH MY FUCKING GOD! THAT'S _PRICELESS_!

"THAT'S- hey. Hey! Wait up!"


End file.
